Update

So, my last few posts haven't really said anything about my mood. So, to those who are wondering: I'm actually doing pretty good! I'm pretty surprised. I went in and talked to a therapist last week (not my normal one, he was out of town) and she said some things that have actually brought me peace.

Right now I have two main problems:

One: I feel numb to my emotions. I can't tell when I'm happy, sad, mad, frustrated, etc. So right now I'm just assuming that I'm happy, but I need to somehow reconnect with my emotions. I just have no idea how to do this.

Two: I'm tired. All. The. Time. I used to be, but this is worse. I've gotten insomnia (yes, something else to deal with) so I'm taking a sleeping pill. Which helps me sleep, but then I still wake up exhausted. Then I have to deal with the rest of the day. And when I go to bed I'm so tired, but I just can't sleep without a pill. Not Good.

Other than those two things, I'm dealing with life well. I'm trying to help out at home, but with no energy it's hard. I don't feel like getting a job. But I'm not just laying in bed all day. I'm trying.

A favorite

why I shouldn't go hiking

So you all know about my heart condition, right? RIGHT? (if not, look here)

So I was hiking up to Timpanogos Cave when I found this warning:

Whoops.

i'm alive

i'm still alive. i know, i'm shocked, too.

my sisters went home. the house is empty. mostly.

last week was hard. but amazingly, thursday i woke up happy. friday, saturday, most of sunday were good too. i thought 'hey, my medication finally kicked in!'

alas, it is not to be.

i crashed back down. hard. after actually thinking life is worth living, coming back to this, i'm really wondering what the point is. if i can fall that far, why try? if anything can set this off, what's the point of life? i'm a mess, my life's a mess.

honestly, i think the would would be better off without me.