I've thought about doing this for a while. But I've never had the nerve. Until today. So here it goes.
I have depression.
There. I said it. I admitted it. Online. I've suffered this for a while, and I started seeing a therapist in September/October of last year. And I've been on medication since January.
I don't know why it's so hard to admit this. I guess I like to pretend online that my life is perfect, or at least more normal than this.
I guess I also think that no one wants to listen to someone whine about how much their life sucks and how they just want to die. To be honest, I know I have much to be thankful for. I just feel like hell right now. And my brain keeps telling me it's never going to get better. I feel like a total failure, like I've let everyone down. Like I don't deserve to live. Like it would be better for the whole world if I died. And my thought process goes down from there. Until I'm convinced that I need to just go ahead and kill myself.
Obviously I haven't done this yet. I have a lot of friends who I talk to when it gets too bad. And I'm trying to live. Right now I know I can't get better on my own. Last week we increased my dose with my "happy pills" but with all SSRI's it takes up to 5 weeks for us to see if it's working. So I have a few more weeks of plodding through before I even know if this is working. And if not, I get to start over with a different prescription. Sounds fun, right? This also makes me just want to give up.
But, I'm doing it. I'm alive. I can't do much. But somehow I get myself to get out of bed (Having family in town helps. No, let me rephrase that. The only reason I get out of bed is because I have my sister in town.), and talk to family. A little. And I listen to Linkin Park. And feel like crying. And sometimes I do cry.
One day Maybe I'll feel better. I'm trying to have hope, but mainly I'm just convincing myself that I'm too tired to kill myself today. And it works.
26.6.10
18.6.10
Friday!
It's friday! And I'm posting. :)
1. I don't know what I'll be doing today at 6:58.
2. It was the reason, of course, why I was there.
3. Crying is something I no longer feel the need to do.
4. I have another errand to run, then I'll be ready.
5. It's out there somewhere...just go find it
6. What were once vices are still vices.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out with family, tomorrow my plans include going to Kennecott Copper Mine and Sunday, I want to play games!
1. I don't know what I'll be doing today at 6:58.
2. It was the reason, of course, why I was there.
3. Crying is something I no longer feel the need to do.
4. I have another errand to run, then I'll be ready.
5. It's out there somewhere...just go find it
6. What were once vices are still vices.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to hanging out with family, tomorrow my plans include going to Kennecott Copper Mine and Sunday, I want to play games!
6.6.10
Who Am I?
Who Am I? - Ethan's Song
Diana Steele & Scott Smith
Who am I? Where did I come from?
Who am I? Where do I go from here?
In this life, I've so many choices
How can I find a path that's always clear?
Who am I? What is my purpose;
Am I just meant to wander through this land?
Where do I go when I find that I'm afraid
And the doors aren't always open where I used to run?
Oh, show me which way I should turn
And teach me all I need to learn
Then take my hand and tell me it'll be okay
And help me find my way back home
Well I don't, I don't know all the answers
And I don't think I'm gonna learn them all here
So I keep my eyes on the horizon
And focus on the ones I hold so dear
Who am I, Am I all that you hoped for?
And have I made you proud to call your own?
I'm in your hands; I'll follow where you lead
And I'll listen for your voice to call to me
And tell me which way I should turn
Teach me all I need to learn
Then take my hand and tell me it'll be okay
And help me find my way back home
Give me strength
In all my trials
And I will pass that strength along
Oh, show me which way I should turn
And teach me all I need to learn
Then take my hand and tell me it'll be okay
And help me find my way back home
Oh, you know me and all I can do
Help me find my way back to you
This song was written for my nephew, during his fight against cancer. But right now I'm finding strength through it. It's really an amazing song, and I can send you a copy if you're interested.
25.5.10
Ten on Tuesday
I should probably write more about my life, but nothing much is going on right now. I'm trying to find a job, but not as much as I really should (I suck at job-hunting. meh). My sister from Houston is spending the week in Yellowstone (I saw her Sunday, happy day!), and she'll be back Sunday to stay until July. At least I'll be able to earn some money babysitting. :)
That's about it. I'm trying to cut down my online time. It's hard. I'm trying to be more social. That's hard, too.
Maybe one day I'll have a serious post about what I've learned in the past month about following the Spirit. We'll see.
Here's ten on tuesday!
1. What is your favourite piece of furniture in your house?
hmmm. I don't actually own any furniture (sad day), but I really love our old couch. It's huge, you can't buy one that long anymore. Ah, the memories.
2. If it was raining so hard on a Saturday that you couldn’t leave your house, what would you spend the day doing?
Reading, listening to music, complaining on twitter. :)
3. What was your favourite candy as a child?
As a child? Hmmm. Mr. Goodbar, I think. So, chocolate?
4. Did you get an allowance? What was it based on? What did you do with it?
No allowance. I could work for my parents to earn money if I wanted. But there was never really anything I wanted...
5. Do you have a favourite Etsy store?
No, but my friend has one, so does that count?
6. Do you prefer time with family or time with friends?
Both. Especially when my friends are my family. :)
7. Looney Tunes, Tiny Toons, or Animaniacs?
I never really watched any of those growing up (my mom had strict rules regarding TV). So, no idea.
8. Best daytime talk show: Oprah, Ellen, The Doctors, Tyra (ha!), Dr. Oz, or Dr. Phil?
Um, I've never seen any of those, and I've only heard of like, 2. So, none of the above?
.
9. Would you rather have the power of invisibility or the ability to fly?
Fly. I love flying (in an airplane), and it would be amazing to do it everyday.
10. Name 1 thing you love about being an adult.
Hmmm. Probably choosing my own meals, closely followed by choosing my own bedtime.
That's about it. I'm trying to cut down my online time. It's hard. I'm trying to be more social. That's hard, too.
Maybe one day I'll have a serious post about what I've learned in the past month about following the Spirit. We'll see.
Here's ten on tuesday!
1. What is your favourite piece of furniture in your house?
hmmm. I don't actually own any furniture (sad day), but I really love our old couch. It's huge, you can't buy one that long anymore. Ah, the memories.
2. If it was raining so hard on a Saturday that you couldn’t leave your house, what would you spend the day doing?
Reading, listening to music, complaining on twitter. :)
3. What was your favourite candy as a child?
As a child? Hmmm. Mr. Goodbar, I think. So, chocolate?
4. Did you get an allowance? What was it based on? What did you do with it?
No allowance. I could work for my parents to earn money if I wanted. But there was never really anything I wanted...
5. Do you have a favourite Etsy store?
No, but my friend has one, so does that count?
6. Do you prefer time with family or time with friends?
Both. Especially when my friends are my family. :)
7. Looney Tunes, Tiny Toons, or Animaniacs?
I never really watched any of those growing up (my mom had strict rules regarding TV). So, no idea.
8. Best daytime talk show: Oprah, Ellen, The Doctors, Tyra (ha!), Dr. Oz, or Dr. Phil?
Um, I've never seen any of those, and I've only heard of like, 2. So, none of the above?
.
9. Would you rather have the power of invisibility or the ability to fly?
Fly. I love flying (in an airplane), and it would be amazing to do it everyday.
10. Name 1 thing you love about being an adult.
Hmmm. Probably choosing my own meals, closely followed by choosing my own bedtime.
20.5.10
I love this
I first heard part of this song in the new Mormon Channel Video, "My New Life", about blogger NieNie's life. I fell in love with it, and now I find that there is an unofficial music video!
So I love this singer, Mindy Gledhill. I first heard about her on Twitter (where I do follow her). This song is called "All About Your Heart" and it's on her soon-to-be-released album, Anchor. I'm super excited for it!
So I love this singer, Mindy Gledhill. I first heard about her on Twitter (where I do follow her). This song is called "All About Your Heart" and it's on her soon-to-be-released album, Anchor. I'm super excited for it!
18.5.10
Tuesday!
So I'm actually doing this on tuesday this week. Let's see if this becomes a weekly thing or if I slack off...
1. If your name was a verb, what would “to Chelsea” mean? (Insert your own name though…)
well...to Cspokey would mean to read. While listening to music. And tweeting.
2. What myth have you always wanted to prove or bust?
I'm not sure. Maybe something to do with...peanut butter. Yeah.
3. If you had the ability to get a message out to the entire world, what would you say?
Um...
4. I know you’ve answered a similar question before, but it’s been awhile. Please name your current top 10 blogs.
Top 10? I'm subscribed to over 200 in Google Reader. Right now I don't have as much time to read blogs, so current top 10 are friends and funny ones. Like: http://www.dweebist.com/, Cake Wrecks, Geek & Poke.
5. Do you have a junk drawer?
A junk drawer? No. I have about 5. Most of it needs to go to DI though.
6. Bottled water or tap?
Tap. Filtered.
7. As a kid, did you have a favorite Biblical story?
Um, not really.
8. What is your favorite black and white movie?
Not sure. Haven't seen enough.
9. Aside from your engagement/wedding rings, what is your favorite piece of jewelry that you own? Does it have a story behind it?Well, I don't have an engagmenet/wedding ring at this time. I have a cheap ($2) bracelet that says "Ethan's Team" that I wear at all times. It reminds me of Ethan, of the fight against cancer.
10. What sports/activities do you hope your kids will be involved in? (Answer for both a boy and a girl)
Whatever they want to do. I want to give them a variety of options for them to try out, but let them decide for themselves.
17.5.10
breaking news!
Ok, so this isn't really breaking news.
It's not even news.
But I'm going to say it anyway.
I'm crazy. I'm insane.
Because I have a secret. And it's crazy. But it's true.
It's not even news.
But I'm going to say it anyway.
I'm crazy. I'm insane.
Because I have a secret. And it's crazy. But it's true.
13.5.10
Ten on Thursday
It's supposed to be ten on tuesday, but I don't mind being a little late.
1. What was your high school superlative (if you didn’t have one- what would it have been)?
I didn't have one that I can remember. High school was a while ago.
2. What sports did you play in high school?
None. I don't do sports.
3. What was the best part about your wedding (if you’re not married yet, what are you looking forward to)?
Um, pass.
4. It’s your last meal– what Appetizer, Soup, Salad, Entree and Dessert would you choose?
Appetizer: Breadsticks.
Soup: Broccoli and cheese.
Salad: Barbecue chicken.
Entrée: Fried chicken. Because I've been craving that for weeks. And it still sounds good.
Dessert: Fondue.
5. What song is your guilty pleasure?
One song? Right now it would be World Spins Madly On by the Weepies.
6. What is your favourite professional sports team, and why do you like them?
Um...I honestly don't follow that.
7. What is your favourite reality show and why do you like it?
Reality show? Um, I don't watch TV...
8. How would you classify your home decorating style (modern, classic, French country)?
Modern. Definitely Mondern.
9. Pizza- deep dish or thin crust? White sauce or red sauce? What toppings?
Deep dish, red sauce, barbecue chicken.
10. Favourite weekend getaway within a two hour driving radius?
I guess I'd say Salt Lake City, Kaysville probably.
1. What was your high school superlative (if you didn’t have one- what would it have been)?
I didn't have one that I can remember. High school was a while ago.
2. What sports did you play in high school?
None. I don't do sports.
3. What was the best part about your wedding (if you’re not married yet, what are you looking forward to)?
Um, pass.
4. It’s your last meal– what Appetizer, Soup, Salad, Entree and Dessert would you choose?
Appetizer: Breadsticks.
Soup: Broccoli and cheese.
Salad: Barbecue chicken.
Entrée: Fried chicken. Because I've been craving that for weeks. And it still sounds good.
Dessert: Fondue.
5. What song is your guilty pleasure?
One song? Right now it would be World Spins Madly On by the Weepies.
6. What is your favourite professional sports team, and why do you like them?
Um...I honestly don't follow that.
7. What is your favourite reality show and why do you like it?
Reality show? Um, I don't watch TV...
8. How would you classify your home decorating style (modern, classic, French country)?
Modern. Definitely Mondern.
9. Pizza- deep dish or thin crust? White sauce or red sauce? What toppings?
Deep dish, red sauce, barbecue chicken.
10. Favourite weekend getaway within a two hour driving radius?
I guess I'd say Salt Lake City, Kaysville probably.
11.5.10
Relay for Life
So, I don't really know how to describe Relay. It was an absolutely amazing night. There were hundreds of people there, all fighting against cancer. I've known many people who've had cancer: my mom had it twice (she's been cancer free for about 10 years I think. yay!), my nephew, my grandma, my great-uncle, my great-grandpa, multiple young woman leaders, etc. It's an awful disease, which goes after anyone, not caring about age, situation in life, etc. And we have to fight against it.
That night, hundreds of people got together. We raised over $100,000. Wow!
The main part is the fact that for each team, one person on that team is walking around the field at any time, in remembrance of those who have had cancer. I walked from 12:30 to about 1.
The disappointing thing about the night is that it looked like rain, like a huge storm was coming. So about 1 am they told everyone to pack up, and basically everyone went home. Which was silly, because we were at a high school football field, and the committee had reserved the gym, and we could have just kept walking all night. Even worse, it didn't even end up raining!
There were a few of us (my sister, my brother-in-law, my brother) who stayed and walked until about 3 am, but then we were so tired we had to go home.
It was an amazing experience. I'm disappointed that we didn't go all night. But, we tried.
And we will always remember.
That night, hundreds of people got together. We raised over $100,000. Wow!
The main part is the fact that for each team, one person on that team is walking around the field at any time, in remembrance of those who have had cancer. I walked from 12:30 to about 1.
The disappointing thing about the night is that it looked like rain, like a huge storm was coming. So about 1 am they told everyone to pack up, and basically everyone went home. Which was silly, because we were at a high school football field, and the committee had reserved the gym, and we could have just kept walking all night. Even worse, it didn't even end up raining!
There were a few of us (my sister, my brother-in-law, my brother) who stayed and walked until about 3 am, but then we were so tired we had to go home.
It was an amazing experience. I'm disappointed that we didn't go all night. But, we tried.
And we will always remember.
19.4.10
Relay for Life
This Friday I am participating in Relay for Life in honor of my nephew ETHAN. In case you didn't know, he was diagnosed with cancer at the age of 4 and after fighting for 2 years it won. Relay for Life is an amazing advocate for raising not only money for cancer but also awareness of it. In order to participate I have to raise at least $100. Please help me in this cause as much as you can. Ethan's example of bravery changed my life forever and my life has never nor will it ever be the same. Ethan loved life, he loved his family, and he taught me how to live, how to be brave, and how to fearlessly love those around you. PLEASE HELP, it really would mean a lot to me, but more importantly it means a lot to the next person who is diagnosed with cancer. SAVE LIVES!
How to donate: if you're my friend on facebook there is a "button" on my profile page that can lead you to my page for Relay for Life where you can donate really easily using a credit card. You can put your donation in honor of anyone you might have lost to this awful disease.
If not, here's a link to my page where you can donate:
Please Donate!
How to donate: if you're my friend on facebook there is a "button" on my profile page that can lead you to my page for Relay for Life where you can donate really easily using a credit card. You can put your donation in honor of anyone you might have lost to this awful disease.
If not, here's a link to my page where you can donate:
Please Donate!
16.4.10
15.4.10
running
I run.
Not always, but when faced with something I can't handle, I run from it.
If I don't know how to react, I run. If I can't run, I hide.
I ran last October. And I'm running now.
I'm going to Houston. I'm running to my dear sister, Elizabeth, who has been through more than I can ever imagine.
I still love him. I want him back in my life. I miss him every hour of every day. Maybe more than that. I keep going to my phone to text him, or send him a photo of something, then I remind myself I can't. I look at the clock and wonder what he's doing. If he's missing me.
I see him everywhere. He's been such a part of my life, everything screams his name. Except not really screams, just whispers constantly, so it's almost like screaming.
I don't want to get over him. I want him to come back. Which is why I'm running.
Not always, but when faced with something I can't handle, I run from it.
If I don't know how to react, I run. If I can't run, I hide.
I ran last October. And I'm running now.
I'm going to Houston. I'm running to my dear sister, Elizabeth, who has been through more than I can ever imagine.
I still love him. I want him back in my life. I miss him every hour of every day. Maybe more than that. I keep going to my phone to text him, or send him a photo of something, then I remind myself I can't. I look at the clock and wonder what he's doing. If he's missing me.
I see him everywhere. He's been such a part of my life, everything screams his name. Except not really screams, just whispers constantly, so it's almost like screaming.
I don't want to get over him. I want him to come back. Which is why I'm running.
11.4.10
Breakeven
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.
Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no
//As sweet as my joy was, that is how bitter my misery is. I hope he's happy. Maybe.
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even.
Her best days will be some of my worst,
She finally met a man that's gonna put her first,
While I'm wide awake, she's no trouble sleeping,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.
What am I supposed to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces
They say bad things happen for a reason
But no wise words gonna stop the bleeding
'Coz she's moved on while I'm still grieving
And when a heart breaks
no it don't break even, even no.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)
You got his heart and my heart and none of the pain,
You took your suitcase, I took the blame.
Now I'm tryna make sense of what little remains, oh.
'Coz you left me with no love, with no love to my name.
I'm still alive but I'm barely breathing,
Just prayed to a god that I don't believe in,
'Coz I got time while she got freedom,
'Coz when a heart breaks
no it don't break, no it don't
break, no it don't break even no.
What am I gonna do when the best part of me was always you
What am I supposed to say when I'm all choked up and you're ok
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces, yeah
I'm falling to pieces,
(One still in love
while the other one's leaving)
I'm falling to pieces,
(Cuz when a heart breaks
no it don't break even)
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, it don't break even, no
Oh, It don't break even, no
//As sweet as my joy was, that is how bitter my misery is. I hope he's happy. Maybe.
9.3.10
Being Anonymous
This has been a big thing for me. How anonymous do I want to be online? Should I post my full real name and let anyone find me? Should I go by my first name, since it's such a common name? Should I go by a nickname? I know different people who do all three. Different thought processes.
I really don't like the idea of my full name being out there, but then it's on facebook, which does link here. So am I just being overcautious? For a long time my full name wasn't even on facebook, just my last initial.
I do like the idea of being able to choose my own name online. A secret identity. A me who might be more like myself. Freer, who tries not to care about what you all might think about me. And if you all know me in real life, how do the two me's overlap?
And a new issue has come up: my boyfriend. You see, he has a blog. And on his blog he uses his real name. But, how do I refer to him here? His first name? A nickname?
Hmmm....
I really don't like the idea of my full name being out there, but then it's on facebook, which does link here. So am I just being overcautious? For a long time my full name wasn't even on facebook, just my last initial.
I do like the idea of being able to choose my own name online. A secret identity. A me who might be more like myself. Freer, who tries not to care about what you all might think about me. And if you all know me in real life, how do the two me's overlap?
And a new issue has come up: my boyfriend. You see, he has a blog. And on his blog he uses his real name. But, how do I refer to him here? His first name? A nickname?
Hmmm....
Where does my time go?
I find myself asking this question quite often. It seems really strange, I only have: one class, one unofficial job, and a boyfriend. (who is super busy which is sad, but he makes time for me which is happy) You'd think I'd have oodles of time, right? WRONG! Right now is the first time in like a week or two that I've actually had time to myself to sit and blog. And catch up on Google Reader, which is under 1,000 right now! Let's see how long that lasts...
Anyway, so how do I spend my days? It depends on the day, but something like this (on a Thursday):
Sometime around 6 or 6:30: Wake up. Get ready for the day.
Around 7:00: Make lunch for me and my roommate.
7:30: Ride picks me up/I drive to campus.
8:00-11:00: Class
11-1: Lunch, hopefully with a certain guy
1-5: Work for my rent. Because I'm not good at finding a real job. Or something
5-6: Dinner
After 6: I never know what happens here. I probably take a bath, chat with the guy, do dishes. I go to bed eventually, and if I'm smart I say goodnight around 9:30 or 10. If I'm not, I stay up until 11ish and curse myself the following day.
So, obviously there are a few hours missing. This is open to investigation. Where do these hours go? No one knows. But after dinner is always Chatting Time. If you ever want to chat with me, that is the time. I do in fact stay up later than I should, because if I can't spend time with my guy, I'm going to talk to him/distract him while he works on his insane projects because he's a genius. At least he's not an evil genius. Yet.
Anyway, so how do I spend my days? It depends on the day, but something like this (on a Thursday):
Sometime around 6 or 6:30: Wake up. Get ready for the day.
Around 7:00: Make lunch for me and my roommate.
7:30: Ride picks me up/I drive to campus.
8:00-11:00: Class
11-1: Lunch, hopefully with a certain guy
1-5: Work for my rent. Because I'm not good at finding a real job. Or something
5-6: Dinner
After 6: I never know what happens here. I probably take a bath, chat with the guy, do dishes. I go to bed eventually, and if I'm smart I say goodnight around 9:30 or 10. If I'm not, I stay up until 11ish and curse myself the following day.
So, obviously there are a few hours missing. This is open to investigation. Where do these hours go? No one knows. But after dinner is always Chatting Time. If you ever want to chat with me, that is the time. I do in fact stay up later than I should, because if I can't spend time with my guy, I'm going to talk to him/distract him while he works on his insane projects because he's a genius. At least he's not an evil genius. Yet.
9.2.10
News
I have news.
I have happy news.
I haven't been able to stop smiling for 2 days, happy news.
Can you guess? Probably. You probably already know. But I'm going to say it anyway.
I have a boyfriend.
I have happy news.
I haven't been able to stop smiling for 2 days, happy news.
Can you guess? Probably. You probably already know. But I'm going to say it anyway.
I have a boyfriend.
2.2.10
300?!
This is my 300th post. I really never thought I'd make it this far. Although sometimes my posting is sporadic, thanks to you who do read this.
Right now life is better than it has been in over a year. Isn't that crazy? Last semester was so horrible, and there were many things that happened last year that made it awful. But now, life is amazing.
I am looking for another major right now, leaning towards Math. If anyone has any suggestions or thoughts on this, they would be greatly appreciated. I just don't really know what I'd do with Math. I really can't see myself as a teacher, but you never know...
Thanks for reading!
Right now life is better than it has been in over a year. Isn't that crazy? Last semester was so horrible, and there were many things that happened last year that made it awful. But now, life is amazing.
I am looking for another major right now, leaning towards Math. If anyone has any suggestions or thoughts on this, they would be greatly appreciated. I just don't really know what I'd do with Math. I really can't see myself as a teacher, but you never know...
Thanks for reading!
22.1.10
A friday post!
I'm actually at a computer again, so I'm doing a friday fill in. Exciting!
1. You have a chance to be one in a million.
2. I wish I new what I was doing right now!
3. There is a song in my heart.
4. If you upset me you might get away with it now and pay later.
5. It's time to get myself another compy.
6. My life is up in the air but I'm trying to be optimistic anyway.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to an awesome choir concert, where another friend is preforming, tomorrow my plans include too much to think about and Sunday, I want to sleep!
1. You have a chance to be one in a million.
2. I wish I new what I was doing right now!
3. There is a song in my heart.
4. If you upset me you might get away with it now and pay later.
5. It's time to get myself another compy.
6. My life is up in the air but I'm trying to be optimistic anyway.
7. And as for the weekend, tonight I'm looking forward to going to an awesome choir concert, where another friend is preforming, tomorrow my plans include too much to think about and Sunday, I want to sleep!
21.1.10
Hi, do you have any advice on netbooks?
So, I haven't forgotten that I have this thing called a blog. And that I like to write random things about my life here. And people read it.
It's just I don't own a functional computer right now (but I have two very nonfunctional ones that I could offer at a great price!), and typing a whole post on my iPod takes patience and dexterity. And sometimes, I'm not really big on either of those things.
I am looking into buying a computer - this one actually:
The Asus Eee PC 1005 HA. I found it here for under $300. So, what do you think? Should I go for it? Research a bit more? Any advice from my dear friends? Any and all will be greatly appreciated.
It's just I don't own a functional computer right now (but I have two very nonfunctional ones that I could offer at a great price!), and typing a whole post on my iPod takes patience and dexterity. And sometimes, I'm not really big on either of those things.
5.1.10
Friends?
Friends.
When they're there, they are the best thing ever. Having someone you can turn to when you're feeling down, just to say a few encouraging words, can make the biggest difference in the world.
But what happens when that friend, who was there through thick and thin, just stops caring? What if they no longer notice if you're down, stop seeing how much you need to confide in them?
What once was bliss is now misery; how can you say goodbye to someone who has helped you so much? Yet how long do you hold on to the hope that they'll come back, and care again? How long before it's too painful thinking about how you could have helped each other?
I just don't know. I just don't know.
When they're there, they are the best thing ever. Having someone you can turn to when you're feeling down, just to say a few encouraging words, can make the biggest difference in the world.
But what happens when that friend, who was there through thick and thin, just stops caring? What if they no longer notice if you're down, stop seeing how much you need to confide in them?
What once was bliss is now misery; how can you say goodbye to someone who has helped you so much? Yet how long do you hold on to the hope that they'll come back, and care again? How long before it's too painful thinking about how you could have helped each other?
I just don't know. I just don't know.
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