One year ago

I posted on Twitter last night that today is my one year anniversary. I did not expound. I'm going to do so now.

This is not a happy anniversary. Some say I shouldn't acknowledge it at all. But I fear that would be lying to myself. What happened on this day one year ago has affected my whole year.

I've made it sound quite dramatic but in reality not much happened. It was a friday. I went to classes, I assume. I don't remember much. But that night, I watched a movie with some friends. Then my roommate and I took a friend home. A guy friend. Who my friend Octanewt had written on his mission. And she really liked him. When we dropped him off, they hugged. Something so small, ended up meaning nothing. But it triggered a response in me. It went something like "Oh great. Now they'll get married. I knew it. And no one ever likes me. I'm worthless."

I had had down days before then, and had figured I might have depression. But somehow this simple act was the final straw.

I went to bed, hoping to feel better in the morning. I didn't. In fact, it kept getting worse. Until I finally was suicidal. And I made an appointment with a councilor. And wee started working on helping me feel better.

It's still not all better. True, now I'm on medication. And I have tons of friends who know and understand who are here for me. But it's still a struggle, every single day.