faith

It's really hard to write a comedy when you can't even bring yourself to smile. As a result, I'm afraid I won't be able to finish my nanowrimo novel. I wonder what's wrong with me. I've had months to prepare for this, it was not a surprise. I guess a part of me was still hoping for a miracle. I've been struggling with this lately. Especially since I'm taking a New Testament class. The thing is, I know that God could have healed Ethan. I know he has the power. With a blessing, he could have been healed at any time during this illness. But it didn't happen. This is where I'm having the most amount of trouble. Why would God let a 6 year old die of something as horrendous as cancer? It's no one's fault he got it, why did Ethan have to go through such a thing? He was only 6! Then there's the other part of my who is quite envious. He's gone from this world. He doesn't have to suffer anymore. He doesn't have to go through the heartache and stress of everyday life. Heck, he got a free pass into heaven! But, I know that life's not like that. God is in control, and for some reason Ethan had to die. We don't know why. I hope I'll find out eventually, even if it's not until after I die. I have to believe that God is in charge, otherwise I'd go crazy. There's too much injustice in this world. Too much heartache. So, I just keep pressing forward. I can't give up just because of this, no matter how tempted I am (I wouldn't have gotten out of bed this morning if it hadn't of been for my sister). I have to have faith that it will work out in the end, and that everything has a reason. I have to believe.