tears

I don't cry a lot. I probably should cry more often, but whenever I start crying a part of me says "Why cry? That doesn't change anything?" That part of me has been silent today. It started out as a good enough day: classes, homework, I wrote a little, then I got home. My dad left yesterday again, so it's just Anarchist and I. And we don't mix. I guess he has been sick lately, and on World of Warcraft his guild isn't being the best to him (for those who know about these things: he wants to tank, but they're making him heal). So, I guess when the internet wasn't working right I should have understood that he didn't want to stop right then and fix it. And when I was asking about dinner I should have understood that he was pretty stressed. But I don't think I was that mean or anything. At least not until he started complaining to himself about his sister who is PMSing. I'm not. I don't like confirmations, and I could feel the tears coming, so I did what I usually do: I picked up my things and went upstairs to my room, locked the doors and had a good cry. And it felt good. I don't remember the last time I had that good of a cry. Then I got a piece of inspiration. I borrowed the car and drove to the temple. I've been trying to figure out a lot of things lately. Sometimes I feel really lost. But tonight I felt peace. And it was good. I can do this. I can do hard things. What I have to do will not be easy, but it will be worth it. Hard things are not new to me, this year has been full of them. I'll just see where this takes me. I am strong. I can do this.