i'm still alive. i know, i'm shocked, too.
my sisters went home. the house is empty. mostly.
last week was hard. but amazingly, thursday i woke up happy. friday, saturday, most of sunday were good too. i thought 'hey, my medication finally kicked in!'
alas, it is not to be.
i crashed back down. hard. after actually thinking life is worth living, coming back to this, i'm really wondering what the point is. if i can fall that far, why try? if anything can set this off, what's the point of life? i'm a mess, my life's a mess.
honestly, i think the would would be better off without me.
The world would not be better off without you, and don't you dare to ever think that. Your life is not a mess, most likely (I'm kinda guessing here, sorry), most likely you just feel as if your life is not living up to expectations. You probably have, in your mind, some image of what an "ideal life" is, and you probably feel like your miles from it (frankly, most people feel this way). But trust me, that ideal is a lie.
ReplyDeleteThe only reason this life is worth living is because of the diverse kinds of people that you meet. I mean, imagine life where everyone you meet is exactly the same, an exact form of the perfection you have in you head. What fun would that be? None!
It has nothing to do with people being perfect, it has nothing to do with people even being good. It has everything to do with them being different! Imperfection is what makes us unique. And if diversity is what makes life interesting, give me imperfection any day.
I suppose I only mention this because it comes from my own personal experience. I've had dozens of dreams that I've wanted to follow, things I wanted to be because I felt it was "the right thing to do". I had it in my mind that I had to be perfect. But you know what? I found out that the people around me love me specifically because I am not perfect. Because I'm broken, because I'm a character. Because I'm human. And there's nothing wrong with that.
If that doesn't change your thoughts please email me, I'd love to chat.
jaycarr gmail com.
Oh, Sarah! I'm sorry you are feeling this way. Hang in there. And re-read what Jay said, above. He gives some great advice. Though, you get to feel what you feel, pushing these feelings away into denial won't help but DO know you are loved! You are an intrinsic part of this universe.
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